There once was a fawn of the woods of Montery. The fawn would leap and soar through the trees creating a sound of fury and vigor for all the woods to hear. All loved the fawn and many flocked to its' home in times of strife. The fawn was wise beyond its' years with all of its' grace and beauty. Those who came in contact with the fawn began to see something bigger, something grand. The woods began to take on new colors, shapes and sounds. The amber leaves contrasted with the blue skies and the sun shone brightly on the branches of every tree. Until January 1979 when everything turned black like the ask from the fire that now plagued the mothers' woods. All of the creatures began to scatter and flee from the woods that had once been so beautiful. All but the fawn. The fawn stayed behind to face the wrath and save the woods. So it took on the turmoil of being ablaze and wrestled through the trees to try to attack the source of all the chaos. Eventually, the fire sufficed, but the fawn was not well. The smoke had begun to coat its' lungs and soon the fawn could barely breathe. No one was around to. Not an animal had come back to the woods. So the fawn fought once more and stood on all fours. As it's body rose, its' eyes revealed an unmistakable green hue. As the fawn gazed upon it' dear, kindred woods, it let out a roar of triumph. And began to find its' way back home.
--
There is a simplicity in being healed. We are all broken and know nothing more than where home is.
So --
we fight.
So --
we find our way back.
And that's really all.
Saturday
12. May.
Would the trees be angry with us if they saw how broken we let ourselves become? Does God still love us even though we are monotonous? How do we swim when we cannot float? But to question our own logic is crude. We are infallible, yes?
No.
No.
Never.
We all know nothing.
No.
No.
Never.
We all know nothing.
As Soon As She Was Born MAY ELEVEN
It is inevitable to bleed this morning. I would still be brimming with the nightmares of the night. It's just inevitable this would happen to my sight. But we are all just living in tomorrow's yesterday.
--
I am here -- in the place where my nightmares dwell. I have to write this off. I fucking hate your weak pelt. You are a miniscule entity in a sea of my God. Live out your faith, you filthy unclean monster. I see where you are blind and I very well may lose my mind. I hate all of you. Thou shalt escape. Thou shalt escape. Do you see the things you do? Do you see the weakness in your gait? I can barely breathe because you are suffocating. You are dangerous. I know things you will never see. I was born red because you will not ever bleed. I am the only blood form your veins.
What the fuck am I saying? When now I should be praying. Praying that your maker would clean your feet so the tread marks on my back might fade.
Well yesterday I let my hips bleed. And today I am freed.
Communication nation ain't no one time sensation.
BLEED. Because you were bled for.
Ma coeur, she breaks and takes and mistakes. Where you lack answers I bear action. The stars could not gleam bright enough to blind me of your guise. I see it and with it may come demise. Why oh, why don't you see the color of my eyes? Green she burns through my skull. I cannot make the hot summer cum I knew so well. Because the tide it did swell. And in it you went, 747. "God my God, where have you been?" How much more must I consume until I am full? How many places will the dark knight go? Nonsense. it is all nonsense.
Books. I need books.
SHAPES ARE INSIDE OF US
They are bones. They are building blocks. They make us. Mine are all jagged, some may be elegant. To make them all adjectives seems quite useless though.
Are adjectives irrelevant? Are we all so the same?
Begging such falsities seems absurd. But I like the absurd.
I am bad at this, but that's really alright.
Why father, Timothy London, are you so far?
My heart hath entered this cycle. And I doth breaketh to be free.
--
I am here -- in the place where my nightmares dwell. I have to write this off. I fucking hate your weak pelt. You are a miniscule entity in a sea of my God. Live out your faith, you filthy unclean monster. I see where you are blind and I very well may lose my mind. I hate all of you. Thou shalt escape. Thou shalt escape. Do you see the things you do? Do you see the weakness in your gait? I can barely breathe because you are suffocating. You are dangerous. I know things you will never see. I was born red because you will not ever bleed. I am the only blood form your veins.
What the fuck am I saying? When now I should be praying. Praying that your maker would clean your feet so the tread marks on my back might fade.
Well yesterday I let my hips bleed. And today I am freed.
Communication nation ain't no one time sensation.
BLEED. Because you were bled for.
Ma coeur, she breaks and takes and mistakes. Where you lack answers I bear action. The stars could not gleam bright enough to blind me of your guise. I see it and with it may come demise. Why oh, why don't you see the color of my eyes? Green she burns through my skull. I cannot make the hot summer cum I knew so well. Because the tide it did swell. And in it you went, 747. "God my God, where have you been?" How much more must I consume until I am full? How many places will the dark knight go? Nonsense. it is all nonsense.
Books. I need books.
SHAPES ARE INSIDE OF US
They are bones. They are building blocks. They make us. Mine are all jagged, some may be elegant. To make them all adjectives seems quite useless though.
Are adjectives irrelevant? Are we all so the same?
Begging such falsities seems absurd. But I like the absurd.
I am bad at this, but that's really alright.
Why father, Timothy London, are you so far?
My heart hath entered this cycle. And I doth breaketh to be free.
May Ten. Oh. May Ten.
I want to love all of you. I want to learn to transcend my lacking and start giving. Freedom is only limited by my intent. I can. I will.
There are so many beautiful ones to balance out the black stones. I want to run to them and go. Just go. These chemicals will not take me there. Sleep will motivate me. Dreams, just dreams, will motivate me.
God. You are big and bright and came tonight.
Hallelujah. You are in my bones.
There are so many beautiful ones to balance out the black stones. I want to run to them and go. Just go. These chemicals will not take me there. Sleep will motivate me. Dreams, just dreams, will motivate me.
God. You are big and bright and came tonight.
Hallelujah. You are in my bones.
Sunday
May the 9th - The Headhache
So, I am exhausted. My bones jut out of my insides to show me that thy are split. I cannot fix this without breaking more, because to fix is to fight when you are Brittney White. I am so close, though. So close to breaking free forever. My ligaments must try to stretch just once more and I will have it. I will have the sun. I will have harmony. I will have peace. To become a number is to lose identity -- but I will so that I may prove them all wrong.
I think that I am in love with the most dangerous breath of life I have ever taken.
I think that I am in love with the most dangerous breath of life I have ever taken.
April 26th Means an End
You fell off the face of the earth yesterday because you weren't ever in it. We were in space. We were in space. But I came back to earth to a fox in my woods. He is pensive and I am null.
You do not exist. You are not here with me.
I may sleep and dream at the same time now.
You do not exist. You are not here with me.
I may sleep and dream at the same time now.
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